Operation distraction
by Terfle
Summary: The hen party continues as guests unwittingly mingle amongst Sophie's angst, Bill's anxiety, Harry's Englishness & Rosie & Tanya behaving badly as per usual


'Could you be my father?'

'I think I might be, yeah.'

His answer, straight off the bat, shocked them both into silence. She desperately thought of a way to keep him in the loop.

'Would you walk me down the aisle tomorrow?'

Bill didn't register this request straight away. Once he did, an unfamiliar feeling of anxiety crept over him.

'I don't think your mother would like that' he began cautiously.

'Please. Let's just keep it a secret for now. Like a surprise.'

He wavered, looked at Sophie's pleading face. He'd never understood the power of a child before but now it was directed full force at him and he fell for it.

'You're on!'

His bravado came rushing back and the sight of his careless smile assured her that this would work out. She hugged him and ran off back to the dance floor before she could put her foot in it even further. He followed slowly back and hovered by the entrance, watching the girl with the golden hair bobbing around the room. Lighting up everything she touched.

Footsteps signalled the entrance of the dynamos.

'Dynamos reporting for duty! Drunk and disorderly!' Screeched Rosie, holding a bottle of wine aloft.

Tanya whooped and twirled a spare pair of knickers around her head, throwing it to the side, deftly caught by a delighted Pepper. Things were looking up.

Tanya stole the bottle and drank. Rosie grabbed it back in mock indignation.

'No more for you. I know what you do with these in your spare time' she commented, tapping the top of the bottle.

Tanya grabbed it back.

'Nothing you couldn't get a bit more of!' She cackled as she shoved it into her friend's crotch, causing her to leap back and upset a table behind her. Rosie screamed with laughter and pretended to brain Tanya with the bottle. Donna sighed. She'd almost forgotten how rowdy her fellow dynamos could be. Greek peasants beware.

'You guys need to behave at my daughter's hen party' Donna reminded them.

Sam and Harry were standing at the bar exchanging raised eyebrows and both thinking it was lucky neither of them were going to be privately entertained by Donna's bawdy mates.

Bill watched, fascinated by this breed of woman who drank, flirted to excess and generally behaved so badly they'd put the teenagers to shame. He wasn't used to women his age doing that and was enjoying the spectacle. He normally observed this kind of ladette behaviour in the younger generation from a distance but Rosie and Tanya could put Sophie and her friends to shame. He didn't even try to suppress his grin.

'We do behave' said Rosie indignantly. Tanya reached for the bottle and tried to poke Rosie with it again. She squealed when she got a slap on the bum with the bottle in return.

'That's exactly what I'm talking about' she reprimanded her friends.

'We'll behave. I will. She won't.'

Tanya glared but conceded that she was extremely drunk and had no idea which direction they just came from.

'Donna sighed. 'Please don't disgrace yourselves too much.' She slipped behind the bar and started to serve drinks, swiftly joined by Pepper who remembered what he was here for.

'Is it me or is the room spinning?'

Rosie looked around.

'I don't know. I'm so off my face right now' she cackled. They walked into the fray. Rosie noticed Bill and immediately got suspicious when she realised that he was looking at Sophie. She didn't know what had gone down seconds before but something had pricked up her senses. Handing the bottle to Tanya, she headed over. He didn't notice until her perfume made herself known. He turned his head to see one arm draped over the beam he was resting his back on, lightly tapping the wood with her fingernails. He'd forgotten she was a tall woman, matching up to his rather short for a man stature.

'Where have you been? The party's not over yet' she informed him casually.

'Erm, outside.' He tried to think of something but all of a sudden he was a bit flustered. Her bright blue eyes matching his own shade were sharp and astute and dammit, his usual guile had deserted him.

'Just looking at the stars.' He walked away to the other dads to the bar. Tanya was watching. Mouthing instructions, she offered the bottle and Rosie took it, embarking on a mission. Operation Distraction. They mustn't forget that these guys needed to be kept away from Donna. What they didn't factor in was keeping them away from Sophie.

As soon as Bill had got to the bar, Rosie zipped in front to face him. Holding the bottle at face height she enquired 'looking for something like this?'

He was as it happens. He told her so. She leaned sideways across and dexterously liberated two shot glasses from the bar.

'Come on then. Best of three.'

She intended to keep him occupied for a lot longer than that. Best of ten if she could. Steering him in the direction of a small sofa with the bottle, she left the others to the mercy of Tanya. Seeing where this was going, Sam slipped out of the door and went to go and look at the stars. He wanted to corner Donna but he didn't dare to in public. He waited it out. Harry, the sucker was still at the bar sipping at a glass of whatever it was that Pepper had handed him. Tanya used the same move that her friend had used and made sure he couldn't back away impolitely. She was banking on his sense of Englishness and she was right. He looked like a rabbit in the headlights but didn't dare move.

'How are you enjoying the party?' She purred, inching her pushed up bust a bit closer. She tried not to laugh at his panicked expression, so obviously to do with trying not to look down.

'It's erm, fantastic. Never been to a party like this.'

'I'm sure you haven't.'

She doubted it was that kind of city boy. He didn't look the time to get wasted on coke and booze. More of a go back home to the wife in time for shepherd's pie for dinner type.

'What does your other half do?' she asked, deliberately phrasing it the same way that he had earlier.

'A teacher' he told her cheerfully. 'Teaches geography to 6th form students.'

She took a seat next to him and continued interrogating him, making sure his attention was focused only on her. Peeking at the situation nearby, she judged that Rosie was doing a very good job distracting Bill. Having got him on the downhill path to practically legless, she was now massaging his neck and shoulders and making sure he was confined to the sofa. Her friend was certainly good at that but Tanya got the impression that Rosie wasn't finding it very difficult to hold his attention or even showed inclination to complain about having to distract him this way. By this rate, Rosie would have him eating out of the palm of her hand tomorrow when they went fishing. She went back to alarming Harry by circling the rim of her glass with a delicately manicured finger while discussing city life. She had all kinds of stories about being a city wife to shock him with; all three of her husbands had made sure of that.

Bill meanwhile was busy trying not to…well. It had been a long time since he'd had a massage, not since Thailand about a year ago. She was now massaging his scalp in long gentle strokes while she kept talking and he was finding it hard to concentrate. He tried to work out the scent Rosie was wearing. He liked it. It was jasmine and green tea but not being great at this kind of thing, he spent a while trying to decide. It made a pleasant distraction from the issue of Sophie and what the hell he was going to do about calming himself at the prospect of walking her down the aisle, let alone facing up to Donna's wrath. He put the nagging unease out of his mind for a while longer. He was a master at procrastination.

Tanya and Harry watched as they went past clutching various bottles with the intention of getting severely wasted outside.

'Going somewhere fun?' Tanya asked.

Rosie shook the biggest bottle she had gleefully.

'Going outside for a threesome with this one and Captain Morgan.'

'Go and do something I would do' recommended Tanya.

'Not drunk enough' Rosie retorted as she followed Bill outside, nearly smacking into a door frame.

Tanya laughed. Harry's face was a picture.


End file.
